Morning birds sang their cacophony. Her heavy blinds stirred slightly; nothing could keep out the intense morning light. Mid-spring sunshine sharpened the walls of the house, and rested like the tip of a fan upon a white blind and made a blue finger-print of shadow under the leaf by the bedroom window. Spirited birds chirped high up; there was no pause; drowsier ones chirped lower down. She saw light strike upon the trees in the garden, making one leaf transparent and then another.

Potential Literatures – Creating a Rolls Royce

The writing task is to make 10 changes to this original text by Virginia Woolf from The Waves.

The light struck upon the trees in the garden, making one leaf transparent and then

another. One bird chirped high up; there was a pause; another chirped lower down.

The sun sharpened the walls of the house, and rested like the tip of a fan upon a

white blind and made a blue finger-print of shadow under the leaf by the bedroom

window. The blind stirred slightly, but all within was dim and unsubstantial. The

birds sang their blank melody outside.

Here’s my process and output. 

Change 1 – reverse order of sentences. 

The birds sang their blank melody outside. 

The blind stirred slightly, but all within was dim and unsubstantial.

The sun sharpened the walls of the house, and rested like the tip of a fan upon a white blind and made a blue finger-print of shadow under the leaf by the bedroom window.

One bird chirped high up; there was a pause; another chirped lower down.

The light struck upon the trees in the garden, making one leaf transparent and then another. 

Change 2 – made all sentences start with “the”

The birds sang their blank melody outside. 

The blind stirred slightly, but all within was dim and unsubstantial.

The sun sharpened the walls of the house, and rested like the tip of a fan upon a white blind and made a blue finger-print of shadow under the leaf by the bedroom window.

The bird chirped high up; there was a pause; another chirped lower down.

The light struck upon the trees in the garden, making one leaf transparent and then another. 

Change 3, 4 – made the mood more bucolic in the first 2 lines

The birds sang their morning cacophony outside. 

The blinds stirred slightly, but nothing could keep out the intense morning light.

The sun sharpened the walls of the house, and rested like the tip of a fan upon a white blind and made a blue finger-print of shadow under the leaf by the bedroom window.

The bird chirped high up; there was a pause; another chirped lower down.

The light struck upon the trees in the garden, making one leaf transparent and then another. 

Change 5 – Replace “the” to start the sentences

Morning birds sang their cacophony outside. 

Her heavy blinds stirred slightly, but nothing could keep out the intense morning light.

Mid-spring sun sharpened the walls of the house, and rested like the tip of a fan upon a white blind and made a blue finger-print of shadow under the leaf by the bedroom window.

Spirited birds chirped high up; there was a pause; another chirped lower down.

Light struck upon the trees in the garden, making one leaf transparent and then another. 

Change 6 – Remove words in lines 1, 5

Morning birds sang their cacophony. 

Her heavy blinds stirred slightly, but nothing could keep out the intense morning light.

Mid-spring sun sharpened the walls of the house, and rested like the tip of a fan upon a white blind and made a blue finger-print of shadow under the leaf by the bedroom window.

Spirited birds chirped high up; there was a pause; drowsier ones chirped lower down.

Light struck upon the trees in the garden, making one leaf transparent and then another. 

Change 7, 8, 9, 10 – Insert/replace words in lines 3, 5 and restore paragraph structure. Also give a title.

The time after others

Morning birds sang their cacophony. Her heavy blinds stirred slightly; nothing could keep out the intense morning light. Mid-spring sunshine sharpened the walls of the house, and rested like the tip of a fan upon a white blind and made a blue finger-print of shadow under the leaf by the bedroom window. Spirited birds chirped high up; there was no pause; drowsier ones chirped lower down. She saw light strike upon the trees in the garden, making one leaf transparent and then another.

References/Acknowledgements

ALL705 Vision and Revision – Short Stories Now at Deakin University

Dr Gregory Day

Professor David Mccooey

Virginia Woolf