I find women’s circles quite magical.
I never attend a circle with an agenda to “teach those other women a lesson”.
Rather, I approach with a desire to share authentically and be as vulnerable as it is safely possible for me in that moment.
I notice a lot of the women I sit in a circle with share in a similar way.
When they share their experience, I start to hear wisdoms that apply to me too. I gain insights, confirmation and a deep sense of being understood by listening to someone else’s sharing from the heart.
The same thing happens to other women when I share.
Without trying to shove our insights onto other people, insights arise in each other in a very serendipitous and magic-feeling way.
In this blog I’m going to share:
- The attitude it’s helpful to take at women’s circle
- A big list of ideas
- What you might not talk about and why
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An attitude of authenticity
What kinds of things do people share in women’s circles?
There are no rules.
My advice is to share whatever is alive for you at that moment.
If you are feeling totally overwhelmed, shy, scared and triggered AF, you can share that.
If you just arrive at a circle after a sticky conversation with your partner, you can share that.
If you’re feeling like a total goddess, winning at all things in life, you can share that.
There really is no restriction other than you being authentic.
Sometimes the circle holder will have a topic they suggest talking about. You can respond to that prompt and depending on the circle, you could still just talk about whatever you want. That does depend a bit on the agreements of the circle.
Things you might talk about in a women’s circle
Here’s a list of some things you might talk about:
- Relationships
- Parenting
- Menstrual cycle
- Perimenopause and menopause
- Health
- Wellbeing
- Mental health
- Your body
- Your dreams and visions
- Something you’re celebrating
- Grief
- Uncomfortable feelings you don’t feel safe to discuss in public gatherings
- Sister wounds
- Shadow work
- Healing practices you’re loving
- Things you’ve read lately and how they impacted you
- Something that triggered you recently
This list can go on and on. These are just a few ideas.
If you’re not sure whether what you want to talk about is ok in the circle, you could check with the circle holder before you come together.
Why you might not talk about certain topics
Why wouldn’t you talk about certain topics at a women’s circle?
All circles are different.
Some circles have a set topic. Some circles are in a work context. Some topics might trigger other people’s trauma. Sometimes, being deeply vulnerable can leave you feeling unsafe. I think these are the 2 main reasons you might not talk about a certain topic:
- Trauma and triggering
- Vulnerability hangover
Trauma and Triggering
While I think it’s very important to have a space for people to say anything and feel free to express themselves, some topics might trigger the trauma of others. If you are going to share about very sensitive topics like r**e, SA, DV and substance use it is good to be aware that these topics may stir up the old hurts of others in the circle. If it is your first circle and you don’t know the stories and sensitivities of the other participants, you might like to check in with the person holding space for the circle and see what they think.
Vulnerability hangover
There have been times in the past where I have been courageous and shared something that’s left me feeling a bit tender.
For days afterwards I have found myself ruminating about the share.
“What are those women thinking about me? I am a terrible person. I should not have said that.”
Sound familiar?
We call this a vulnerability hangover.
This happens when we share thoughts, feelings and experiences that are very raw, authentic or they might be old hurts. Sometimes when we bring these things to light, we trigger ourselves.
If this happens to you, it’s good to know you’re not alone.
A lot of us have experienced this.
Now it’s helpful to find ways to soothe yourself and manage these uncomfortable feelings. What are your tools for doing that?
Some of my best weapons against vulnerability hangover include:
- Time by a river
- Connection with good friends who I know love me very much
What are yours?
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